14 Years

For 14 years, I've walked all alone in this cruel world we live in. I always minded my own business but I wanted, at the same time, to help the ones who stood around me. Some of them were just like me, but the others had something to live for. And their eyes shined so bright that made me want to chase down my reason to live. For 14 years, I looked for it, but when I seemed to find what I was looking for, it would just slip away, right between my fingers. I ran after every sky in the sky, only to find myself lost in a dark place I already knew and already forgotten. I looked in the mirror, there was no light in my eyes, no matter how I tried to find it. It's been too long. I just want to break free from this world and enter a new one where I'll find what I am looking for and finally live with some happiness. I'm sick and tired of being alone, sick and tired of trying, sick and tired of searching and sick and tired of taking risks. All I need is clarity, or at least one reason to continue searching. One sign of hope in my own miserable life. I wanna see the grass burn, the buildings collapse, the sea just fall into infinity. I wanna watch the whole world destroyed and turned into dust. And then I wanna see it rebuild once again. I wanna see the birth of a brave new world with a different space, different people, a different life. I wanna live in a world where I am not alone, and neither is anyone. I'm fucking sick of being alone, goddamn it.

Izzy

Procura pela Felicidade

Eu gosto de aqui estar. Gosto de sentir o sol a bater-me na cara, de sentir a brisa do mar a arrepiar-me o corpo. Gosto da paz, do sossego e do silêncio que este lugar transmite. Às vezes penso nela enquanto aqui estou, pois quando estava com ela, sentia-me em paz, sossegado, sereno, tal como me sinto aqui. Sentia-me genuinamente... feliz. Felicidade, não é isso que todos procuramos? Eu encontrei a minha nos olhos azuis da rapariga do meu pensamento. E depois encontrei-a de novo no mar azul. Azul como os olhos daquela rapariga que uma vez me ofereceu felicidade. Este post é dedicado a ela. Vemo-nos no outro lado.

Izzy

Batalhas/Despedida

Fecha os olhos. Olha para o que alcançaste. Foste um guerreiro. Batalhaste. Durante 10 longos meses, estiveste na fila da frente do teu esquadrão na tua batalha pessoal, de espada e cabeça erguida, pronto a dar a tua própria vida pela vitória. Estavas em clara desvantagem numérica, os soldados que defendiam a tua causa contavam-se pelos dedos das mãos. Mas mesmo com esse factor, tinhas esperança na vitória. Fechaste os olhos, concentraste-te e começaste a correr em direcção ao inimigo, erguendo a espada e gritando bem alto. Correste ao encontro do inimigo, pronto a terminar a sua mísera existência. Com todas as forças que tinhas dentro do teu corpo, atacaste com golpes mortíferos. Os demónios que te atacavam morriam, um por um. Mas de repente, à velocidade da luz e sem que te apercebesses, foi-te desferido um golpe em cheio no coração. Deitaste-te no chão, gritando em agonia e dor. De repente, deixaste de ver. Tudo o que vias à tua frente era preto. Sentiste gente à tua volta, vozes que entravam nos teus ouvidos, dizendo-te que já não tinhas condições para batalhar, que acabou tudo. Sobreviveste, por sorte. As tuas batidas cardíacas regressaram, o preto desapareceu e começaste a ver o campo de batalha. Vazio. Não se ouvia um barulho, nem se via ninguém. Mas sabias, dentro de ti, que os teus inimigos iriam voltar e tentar garantir o fim da tua vida. Levantaste-te, deitaste a tua espada, repleta de sangue, no chão, viraste costas e foste embora. Esta batalha deixou de valer a pena para ti. Seguias uma causa impossível, mas na qual tinhas fé, e mesmo sem ela, lutavas pela tua causa com tudo. Mas apercebeste-te que ao seguires essa causa, estarias a provocar o teu colapso mental. Não abras os olhos, estás no meio do campo em que lutaste. Sente o teu cabelo a abanar com o vento e o sol a bater na tua cara. É um novo dia. Já não tens nenhuma batalha para travar. Abre os olhos. Encontras-te num mundo novo.
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Bem, este vai ser o meu último post deste mês, pelo que vou estar a aproveitar umas merecidas férias (bem preciso delas) e não vou ter nem paciência nem oportunidade para publicar mais nenhum texto. Até Setembro!

"No one's gonna bother me anymore, no one's gonna mess with my head no more. I can't understand what all the fighting's for, but it's so nice here down off the shore. I wish you could see this 'cause there's nothing to see, it's peaceful here and it's fine with me, not like the world where I used to live" - Guns N' Roses, "Coma"

The Iz

Too Late: Frozen

So you've come to say you're very sorry
"It won't happen again, forgive me"
Time will not heal these wounds
And I'm bleeding because of you
Was everything we had just a joke?
I've run out of patience, tears and hope
Love does not conquer all
And I'm screaming because of you
Too late for apologies
In the shadow of the light from a black sun
Frigid statue standing icy blue and numb
Where are the frost giants I've begged for protection?
I'm freezing
Cold winter winds that chill my heart with sleet and snow
Not from the north come to this glacial abode
But from your dimension, cryogenic limbo
I'm freezing
I'm frozen
It's too late

Coma

"Hey you caught me in a coma
And I don't think I wanna
Ever come back to this...world again
Kinda like it in a coma
'Cause no one's ever gonna
Oh, make me come back to this...world again
Now I feel as if I'm floating away
I can't feel all the pressure
And I like it this way
But my body's callin'
My body's callin'
Won't ya come back to this...world again
Suspended deep in a sea of black
I've got the light at the end
I've got the bones on the mast
Well I've gone sailin', I've gone sailin'
I could leave so easily
While friends are calling back to me
I said they're
They're leaving it all up to me
When all I needed was clarity
And someone to tell me
What the fuck is going on
Goddamn it!


Slippin' farther an farther away
It's a miracle how long we can stay
In a world our minds created
In a world that's full of shit


Help me
Help me
Help me
Help me
Bastard


Please understand me
I'm climbin' through the wreckage
Of all my twisted dreams
But this cheap investigation just can't
stifle all my screams
And I'm waitin' at the crossroads
Waiting for you
Waiting for you
Where are you


No one's gonna bother me anymore
No one's gonna mess with my head no more
I can't understand what all the fightin's for
But it's so nice here down off the shore
I wish you could see this
'Cause there's nothing to see
It's peaceful here and it's fine with me
Not like the world where I used to live
I never really wanted to live


Zap him again
Zap the son of a bitch again


Ya live your life like it's a coma
So won't you tell me why we'd wanna
With all the reasons you give it's
It's kinda hard to believe
But who am I to tell you that I've seen
any reason why you should stay
Maybe we'd be better off without you anyway


You got a one way ticket
On your last chance ride
Gotta one way ticket
To your suicide
Gotta one way ticket
An there's no way out alive
An all this crass communication
That has left you in the cold
Isn't much for consolation
When you feel so weak and old
But is home is where the heart is
Then there's stories to be told
No you don't need a doctor
No one else can heal your soul


Got your mind in submission
Got your life on the line
But nobody pulled the trigger
They just stepped aside
They be down by the water
While you watch 'em waving goodbye
They be callin' in the morning
They be hangin' on the phone
They be waiting for an answer
When you know nobody's home
And when the bell's stopped ringing
It was nobody's fault but your own
There were always ample warnings
There were always subtle signs
And you would have seen it comin'
But we gave you too much time
And when you said that no one's listening
Why'd your best friend drop a dime
Sometimes we get so tired of waiting
For a way to spend our time
An "It's so easy" to be social
"It's so easy" to be cool
Yeah it's easy to be hungry
When you ain't got shit to lose
And I wish that I could help you
With what you hope to find
But I'm still out here waiting
Watching reruns of my life
When you reach the point of breaking
Know it's gonna take some time
To heal the broken memories
That another man would need
Just to survive"